She was by herself. In my heart I knew that no one should die alone. So, I opened the isolation cart and began to pull out PPE. Once inside, I pulled up the chair and took hold of the patient’s hand. I began speaking to her, telling her who I was and that, although she didn’t know me, I cared about her and she was not alone. I continued speaking with her as I rubbed her arm and brushed the hair from her face. For some reason, I felt that she was listening to me, that she could hear me, for at times her breathing and body seemed to become more relaxed and calmer, as if she was being reassured by my words. At least, that was my hope. I sat with her for an hour or so, leaving only for a quick meeting. Over the next couple of hours, I returned to the unit to watch her through the window or check on her by calling the charge nurse. Prior to returning to the unit for the last time, I called the charge nurse to let her know I was on my way back and was told that the patient had passed away. I went back to my office, closed the door and cried.

Communication is key. During uncertain times, people crave knowledge. I believe my whole team knows that we are all here for each other, that we care about one another. I consider the people I work with my ‘work family.’ We can lean on each other. I know I can depend on them to always bring their best. Our team was impacted pretty heavily during the first exposures of COVID-19, but because of the cohesiveness of our team, we managed through some really difficult times, which has made us even stronger.

I go to work every day in fear of getting sick and in fear of seeing patients decline. But I care so much to be present for the patients and my co-workers. Seeing patients get better and go home is fulfilling. In times like these, the teamwork I have with every member of the health care team keeps me going. We show up to work to support one another. Not only nurses, but Environmental Services and lift technicians are vital to our unit. The staff and I always find ways to laugh through the stress. We’re all in this together and we will get through it.

It's not really just one moment, but various moments that highlight the successes and difficulties during this time. I've spent much of my time in the ICU, and the special moments for me are when I've had the privilege of helping patients get better and, ultimately, be transferred off the unit. Conversely, it is always trying when patients we work so hard to save don't get better.

I find the ‘normal’ conversations I have with patients and co-workers that don’t involve COVID-19 are what bring me joy. Something as simple as hearing about someone’s family or their pet renews me and makes everything feel better. I was pretty terrified when we first started swabbing patients. We’re a lot less tense now. The first thing I do when I get home after work is shower. I haven’t been able to see my elderly father with dementia for weeks, and he does not understand why. It’s been incredibly difficult, and I miss him terribly. Our nurses support each other. Sometimes we have mini-meltdowns when someone has a bad day, but we’re there for each other.

‘If you’re going, I’m going.’ That’s how that started. We had just heard that the Magnolia Rehabilitation and Nursing Center was short-staffed, and they needed help. My personality is, I need detail. I need more information. At this point, I knew nothing, but I couldn’t let my buddy go alone. It didn’t matter that we didn’t know what we were going into. We needed each other and we had each other. We were all scared but to know that I wasn’t in it alone, he wasn’t in it alone, that made it better.